SEATTLE — The Pentagon confirmed today that the military is studying the tactics of the Tedesco family, whose members have been surprising one another for years in unannounced “black ops” visits.

“We are learning that the Tedescos are truly the masters of ‘Shock and Awe’ tactics,” said General Scott Anderson.

“Tedesco family members live in secret, secure locations throughout the United States,” Anderson said. “Yet somehow when they visit each other, they successfully plot elaborate conspiracies to make it a big surprise. Our Navy Seals are learning tons just watching the Tedescos in action.”

Anderson listed several examples of what he said were flawless missions.

Most recently, John Tedesco, 27, drove to Seattle to visit his kid sister, Kristin. John contacted his sources in the Tedesco intelligence community and hatched a plan with Kristin’s husband, Garrett Cook, to surprise Kristin at a dinner. The result: Kristin was surprised, and no casualties were reported.

A few months before that mission, Kristin surprised her Mom in Denver for Mother’s Day. Before that mission, Aunt Sue flew in friends and family members to surprise her son in Austin. Before that mission, Mike and Caitlin Tedesco drove 12 hours from Kansas to Texas to surprise their family in Corpus Christi for Christmas. Before that mission, John, Joe, and their cousin concocted a secret plan to have Dad and Uncle John run into each other in Austin.

Anderson said the list goes on and on.

“Most people might be asking, ‘What’s wrong with this family?’” Anderson said. “The answer is, I don’t know. They’re twisted. But they’re the best.”

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