CORPUS CHRISTI — Rich Haswell, a renowned pool shark who trounces every Tedesco kid he plays, lost his first game of pool at approximately 1:47 p.m. today.

Witnesses said the mild-mannered college professor lost a cutthroat match with John Tedesco, 28, the wisest and coolest brother in the Tedesco family.

“Rich practices on that pool table day and night,” Mom said from her ringside seat at the Haswell home. “He’s beaten Joe, Paul, Mike and Kristin countless times. Those poor saps didn’t stand a chance against him, really. In the end, only John could pull it off.”

Tedesco siblings hailed the victory.

“Rich kinda looks like a defenseless mark you might hustle at a smoky pool hall,” Mike Tedesco said at a press conference. “But in reality, he’s a shark — a big scary shark with a pool stick, and he’s trawling for guppies.

“It really sucks being the guppy,” Mike added.

PUEBLO, Colo. — The United Nations announced today that the Christmas holidays have prompted a brief ceasefire between warring factions of Tedesco kids.

“For a miraculous few days, there was no bickering, no crying, no poking, and no pushing,” said United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon, who brokered the peace treaty. “It truly is a Christmas miracle.”

According to a peace accord signed by all parties in the home of Mike and Caitlin Tedesco, their daughter Maddy agreed to end all hostilities with her little brother, Cooper, unless he crosses the demilitarized zone into her room.

In the home of Paul and Georgia Tedesco, munchkins Lili, Gigi and Cole agreed to briefly smile and hug each other during a picture-taking session in front of the Christmas tree. After the picture was taken, the children immediately went back to DEFCON 1.