SAN ANTONIO — Even before his birth, the next Tedesco baby is showing the telltale signs of being a total stud, a flustered nurse announced at a press conference today.

“The ultrasound clearly showed that John and Jennifer are going to have a boy,” said Glenda Hodgkins, the nurse who performed the ultrasound this morning at the University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio.

“I saw the classic traits of a Tedesco guy: The strong jaw, dreamy eyes, and thick, flowing locks of hair.”

Hodgkins then tore her eyes from the sonogram photos and fanned her flushed face. “Whew! is it hot in here or what?” she asked no one in particular.

The flustered nurse concluded: “This kid’s testosterone levels are way off the charts. Hot nurses are already asking for his phone number, so they can look him up in 20 years. Clearly, this kid is a Tedesco.”

Paul Tedesco, wishing he were Tiger Woods, tries to hit a golf ball

DENVER — A coalition of Tedesco guys called for drastic changes in the rules of golf to make it resemble the virtual reality of Tiger Woods Golf on the XBox gaming system.

“Honestly, real golf could learn some things from Tiger Woods golf,” Paul Tedesco told reporters at a press conference outside Stoney Creek Golf Course near Denver, where Tedesco guys have lost an estimated $230 worth of golf balls in the past five years.

“For one thing, in Tiger Woods golf, I can drive the ball straight as an arrow, 350 yards every time, while sitting in the comfort of my own home.” Paul said. “I so rock at fake golf it’s not even funny.

“In real life, I usually shank the ball, and then I get thistles in my socks when I spend a half hour in the weeds looking for it,” Paul said with disgust. “I can’t even hit the white button and spin the ball while it’s in the air. What’s up with that?”

Tedesco guys are boycotting the PGA of America until it radically changes the rules that make real golf suck so bad.

DENVER — Local toddler Gigi Ramirez Tedesco, 5, would like to interest you in a subscription to Cosmopolitan magazine for the low-low price of $5.99 a month, Gigi announced in a dinner-time telephone call to relatives today.

Get the latest fashions and catch up on the latest-celebrity gossip, Gigi said during the unsolicited long-distance telephone call that she totally dialed without anyone’s help.

“I can get you a vewy special deal,” Gigi said while in the background her mother, Georgia, expressed outrage that Gigi was using the cell phone again.

How Gigi, who can’t read, was able to figure out the phone numbers of her aunts and uncles could not be ascertained by press time.