PUEBLO, Colo — A birthday party for Maddy Tedesco, 10, was allegedly focused on top-secret talks about boys, sources told the Tedesco Times today.

“I’m pretty sure I heard what I heard,” Maddy’s mother, Caitlin, told reporters at a press conference on the steps of City Hall. “The girls were all whispering and giggling and I knew that meant one thing: Boy talk.”

The secret talks allegedly occurred at Maddy’s birthday party, where she and her friends had pillow fights, swam, and had makeovers at the Marriott.

The identities of the boys discussed in the secret talks were unknown. Maddy’s legal team declined to comment on the matter.

ANAHEIM, Calif. — In a heartbreaking scene at Disneyland today, Cole Ramirez Tedesco was torn between his two best friends forever — astronaut Buzz Lightyear and racing car Lightning McQueen.

“Buzz and Lightning begged Cole to be his BFF,” Cole’s mother, Georgia, told reporters at a press conference today. “Cole wishes to inform the public that he can’t yet decide who his BFF will be.”

The conflict sparked a tense standoff between Lightyear and McQueen, who sources say have frequently competed for Cole’s attention at the home of Paul and Georgia Tedesco in Denver, Colo. McQueen’s corporate sponsor, Rust-eze, threatened to drop its sponsorship unless the dispute was settled.

The tension worsened when Cole’s sisters, Gigi and Lili, announced they wanted to be friends not only with Lightyear and McQueen, but also with a pale, sleepy woman sources identified as Snow White, and various unnamed Disney princesses.

“It was a freakin’ soap opera,” an exasperated Georgia announced.

Click here for more cool pictures of the trip to Disneyland.

SAN ANTONIO — You can now follow every scandal in the Tedesco family by joining the fan page of the Tedesco Times on Facebook.

“Our readers have an insatiable appetite for stories about what, exactly, the Tedescos have screwed up lately,” said John Tedesco, editor in chief of the muckraking blog that tracks the exploits of the Tedesco crime family.

“The new Facebook page tracks every foible. Whether it’s an embarrassing family video, or Kristin bringing down the U.S. economy in the mortgage industry, you can sign on to Facebook and always be in the know.”

The Tedesco Times also has a new commenting system, where users can set up their own profiles and rank comments they like. Unfortunately, it does not allow comments from people in the Witness Protection program, which rules out most Tedescos.

Schools across the country braced for the impact of Mike Tedesco’s new tell-all book, “City Boy,” which could cause thousands of college students in the urban-planning field to rethink their majors.

“Dude, like, from what I hear, urban-planning totally sucks,” said grad student Brandon Frasier, who is working towards his masters in urban planning at the University of Kansas.

“City Boy” is about Mike’s early days working as a planner in Colorado. The publisher says of the book:

In the world of municipal politics, truth is stranger than fiction and there is no truth stranger than La Blanca Gente, Colorado. In this striking first book, the author weaves between the anecdotal and the academic to sew a grand comic farce as he unveils the curtain over the tactics employed by government employees to achieve their own ends. Tragic? Absurd? Harrowing? Indeed, and City Boy serves as a lesson on what not to do when confronted by those who are just dumb enough to take you down. Throw your Urban Planning and Public Administration text books out the window because in the world of municipal politics you better be ready for a street fight.

“‘Street fight?’ ‘Harrowing?’ I think I chose the wrong profession,” Frasier said. “Look what happened to Mike.”