DENVER, Colo. — A totally sweet jam session was ruined when guitarist Joe Tedesco accidentally missed a note in Eddie Van Halen’s solo “Eruption,” authorities announced today.

Police said the unforgivable transgression occurred at the home of Joe’s brother, bassist Paul Tedesco. Fellow band members were mortified by the error, police said.

“I can confirm that the jam session was totally kickin’ until Joe screwed up ‘Eruption,’” said Police Spokesman Hewbert McDonald of the Denver Police Department.

“You know that part when Eddie plays a boat-load of sixteenth notes? Well, Joe played an eighth note instead of a sixteenth note. You can imagine how that ruined the vibe of the whole evening.”

Band members immediately called 911 to report the crime.

McDonald said it was unclear whether Joe, a perfectionist who insists on making no mistakes, will ever recover from the error. It was also unclear whether Joe would be able to post bond.

Maddy Tedesco, suspected boy talker

PUEBO, Colo. — At a press conference today, Maddy Tedesco vehemently denied allegations in the Tedesco Times that she and her friends talked about boys at Maddy’s birthday party.

“Hey why did you say we were talking about boys?” Maddy, 10, wrote in a comment in the Tedesco Times, a Pewlitzer-prize winning publication that tracks the exploits of the Tedesco crime family.

Maddy’s claims were contradicted by her own mother, Caitlin, who told reporters: “I’m pretty sure I heard what I heard. The girls were all whispering and giggling and I knew that meant one thing: Boy talk.”

The ages and identities of the boys discussed at the birthday party are still unknown.

SAN ANTONIO — Authorities armed with a search warrant raided the home today of Jennifer “Magic Hands” Hiller, 28, who was accused of operating an unlicensed massage parlor for kitty cats.

“We have video footage of the suspect petting a cute little kitty cat in her home,” said police Sgt. Bruce Reiner. “The cat was enjoying the massage session so much, it’s highly probable that some kind of Texas law was broken.”

PUEBLO, Colo. — Witnesses on a fishing trip were perplexed by the terrified shrieking and yelping of toddler Cooper Tedesco, who encountered a harmless hooked fish today.

“Not too many Tedescos are outdoorsmen, and apparently, neither is Cooper judging by his cries of horror,” his father Mike Tedesco told reporters at a press conference.

“Frankly, that slimy fish was pretty disgusting,” Mike said with a shudder. “I wanted to scream and run around in circles too but luckily I kept myself under control.

“Ewwwwwww,” Mike added.