Maddy Tedesco, right, allegedly held top secret discussions with her friends about boys, her mother claims

PUEBLO, Colo — A birthday party for Maddy Tedesco, 10, was allegedly focused on top-secret talks about boys, sources told the Tedesco Times today.

“I’m pretty sure I heard what I heard,” Maddy’s mother, Caitlin, told reporters at a press conference on the steps of City Hall. “The girls were all whispering and giggling and I knew that meant one thing: Boy talk.”

The secret talks allegedly occurred at Maddy’s birthday party, where she and her friends had pillow fights, swam, and had makeovers at the Marriott.

The identities of the boys discussed in the secret talks were unknown. Maddy’s legal team declined to comment on the matter.

PUEBLO, Colo. — A local man was hospitalized today after Olympic athlete Maddy Tedesco trounced him in a cutthroat game of Ping Pong, in preparation for this year’s Summer Olympics in China.

“Sweet Jesus! What hit me?” asked Maddy’s uncle, John Tedesco, 26, shortly after he was struck in the forehead with a ping pong ball clocked at 98 mph.

“I just remember seeing the ball streaking towards me like a bullet, and then I heard a little girl’s diabolical laughter,” he said as paramedics wheeled him away.

As the youngest athlete to enter the Ping Pong event at the Olympics, Maddy has embarked on a rigorous training regimen to hone her deadly Ping Pong skills, said her trainers and parents, Mike and Caitlin Tedesco.

“Frankly, Maddy is like a little ninja at the Ping Pong table,” said Caitlin, who witnessed the match between Maddy and her uncle.

“Maddy can aim those Ping Pong balls with pinpoint precision. They’re like deadly, poison-tipped shuriken, only they’re round and made of plastic.

“I’m surprised Uncle John even survived.”

By Cooper Tedesco
Guest Columnist and Italian Tough Guy

PUEBLO, Colo. – Alright you knuckleheads. I may be 2 years old but I been around the crib. And I’ve had it up to here with your cutsie high fives and fist pumps.

Yo, pops, why yoo’s stickin out ya fist like I don’t know what to do? Bam! How’s that for a fist pump, pops? I gotcha fist pump right here.

Quit ya cryin’. Go soak your knuckles in some ice, champ, you’ll be alright.

Hey toots, why yoos holdin’ your hand in my face like dat? You want some of this? Bam! That was a high-five squared, baby. If I knew math I’d know what that means. I’m pretty sure it’s bad ass though.

Yo, Uncle John, put down the camera, ya damn paparazzi.

Somebody feed me alreadies, all this work is makin’ me hungry.

Cooper T. out.