ITEM! Cousin John and Karuna got married this weekend! Gasp!

Sources close to the jet-setting couple say the ceremony was a beautiful, East-meets-West affair at the Drake Hotel in Chicago.

It wasn’t immediately clear why the Drake allowed Tedescos inside. But according to witnesses, the wedding was an amazing ceremony attended by friends, family, and Joe. Congrats!

ITEM! Britney Spears didn’t marry anyone today …

Primo and Karuna, his bride to be, who plays poker just as badly as other Tedesco guys

AUSTIN — Item! Super-secret sources have confirmed that John “Primo” Gronbeck-Tedesco is totally off the market, ladies! A little bird told us that Primo asked hottie Karuna to marry him — and she totally said yes!

Gasp!

You might have spotted Primo and Karuna playing Texas Hold ‘Em in San Antonio at the 2009 Jennifer Hiller Poker Invitational on ESPN. Sources say Karuna plays poker just like other Tedescos! Badly!

Primo’s publicist refused to say when the big day is going to be. Tell us soon, Primo!

Item! Britney Spears still crazy ….