DENVER — In a hallowed tradition eagerly awaited by sports fans across the globe, Tedesco guys are gearing up for Turkey Bowl XXVIIVX on Thanksgiving Day.
“The Tedesco Turkey Bowls are the grittiest games of touch football known to mankind,” said wide receiver Mike Tedesco as he smoked a cigarette in preparation for the big day.
“These games play out on the tundra of cold, God-forsaken places like Spokane, Washington, or Lawrence, Kansas,” Mike said wistfully. “Serbian prisoners have nightmares about about these places. But that’s where the Tedescos gather to do battle.”
The annual Turkey Bowl requires a rigorous training regimen.
“I’ve been carbo-loading for the past year getting ready for Turkey Bowl,” said defensive lineman Paul Tedesco. “That’s why I bought this huge keg of Sam Adams and drank religiously from it every day.”
This year, the Dallas Cowboys and Seattle Seahawks play on Thanksgiving Day. But true sports fans know that the Turkey Bowl is the game to watch.
“Every year it’s the same drill,” Dad said. “Joe tries in in vain to get open. Paul stands there with his hands in his pockets to keep his fingers warm. I throw to somebody, and then we chase the guy who intercepts the ball.”
Perhaps the bravest warriors on the gridiron are the few spectators who gather for this venerable annual tradition — Tedesco women.
“Christ, you wouldn’t believe how freakin’ cold and boring it is,” said Cousin Anna, wincing at the thought of having to watch her Dad, brother and cousins attempt to play football. “I think I’m going to bring a flask this year to at least try and make this entertaining.”
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