By Cooper Tedesco
Guest Columnist and Italian Tough Guy

PUEBLO, Colo. – Alright you knuckleheads. I may be 2 years old but I been around the crib. And I’ve had it up to here with your cutsie high fives and fist pumps.

Yo, pops, why yoo’s stickin out ya fist like I don’t know what to do? Bam! How’s that for a fist pump, pops? I gotcha fist pump right here.

Quit ya cryin’. Go soak your knuckles in some ice, champ, you’ll be alright.

Hey toots, why yoos holdin’ your hand in my face like dat? You want some of this? Bam! That was a high-five squared, baby. If I knew math I’d know what that means. I’m pretty sure it’s bad ass though.

Yo, Uncle John, put down the camera, ya damn paparazzi.

Somebody feed me alreadies, all this work is makin’ me hungry.

Cooper T. out.