DENVER, Colo. — A totally sweet jam session was ruined when guitarist Joe Tedesco accidentally missed a note in Eddie Van Halen’s solo “Eruption,” authorities announced today.

Police said the unforgivable transgression occurred at the home of Joe’s brother, bassist Paul Tedesco. Fellow band members were mortified by the error, police said.

“I can confirm that the jam session was totally kickin’ until Joe screwed up ‘Eruption,’” said Police Spokesman Hewbert McDonald of the Denver Police Department.

“You know that part when Eddie plays a boat-load of sixteenth notes? Well, Joe played an eighth note instead of a sixteenth note. You can imagine how that ruined the vibe of the whole evening.”

Band members immediately called 911 to report the crime.

McDonald said it was unclear whether Joe, a perfectionist who insists on making no mistakes, will ever recover from the error. It was also unclear whether Joe would be able to post bond.

Joe Tedesco emitting harmful levels of Van Halen

DENVER – Health officials warned residents today to avoid dangerously high levels of Van Halen, Joe Satriani, and other 1980s rockers whose songs have been played virtually nonstop since the arrival of guitarist Joe Tedesco, who moved to Denver from Austin three weeks ago.

“This is really bad,” said Dr. Alex Brewer, director of the city’ Health Department.

“I haven’t seen this kind of sick obsession with trite music since the Rick Tedesco Big Bad Voodoo Daddy Fest of 2003.”

Local officials reported that Joe, a talented guitarist, has repeatedly played high doses of irrelevant glam-rock tunes at full blast in the basement of his brother’s house, within range of innocent children.

Brewer said the guitarist has a “sick penchant” for the Van Halen album OU812, which was released in 1988 and is now considered a public health hazard. Medical studies have found the meaningless hard-rock songs from the album, such as “Cabo Wabo” and “Sucka in a Three Piece,” kills brain cells in lab rats and most Tedescos.

Brewer said the same health risks exist no matter who the front man is for Van Halen, whether it’s David Lee Roth or “that one dude from Extreme.”

“Let me put it this way — do you really want ‘Hot for Teacher’ running through your head all day?” Brewer asked. “If you safely avoid these songs, then you got it made, got it made, got it — oh crap.”