Online newspaper unveiled for Christmas

Tedesco Times to cover family news, atrocities

A new web site that reports the news of the Tedesco family is scheduled to be launched this Christmas on the Internet.

Editor John Tedesco said his newspaper, the Tedesco Times, will pull no punches.

"America has an insatiable appetite for news about this family," John said. "Readers ask, what's the new mathematical formula Maddy learned today? Is it true Liliana is the cutest baby on Earth? Who's the super-model John is dating? I'm here to answer those questions."

As the family's most intelligent, sophisticated, and dashingly-good-looking brother, John said he was in a unique position to write Tedesco news stories.

"I have 29 years of embarrassing photos and first-hand knowledge at my disposal," John said. "Also, my experience as a crime reporter will probably come in handy."

John plans to launch the Tedesco Times web site on Dec. 25, 2002, at www.tedescotimes.com. John also plans to go into hiding the same day.