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Paul and Georgia have another baby
"She wasn't crying too much," Paul said in a telephone interview with the Tedesco Times. "She took it pretty well." The birth of yet another Tedesco girl threatened to change the balance of power in a family that for decades has been dominated by boys. Along with Gianna, Paul and Georgia have another daughter, Lili. With the help of cousin Maddy Tedesco, the girls could orchestrate a coup against male relatives who are getting older and more senile every day. Scientists said it was incomprehensible for Mom to give birth to four Tedesco boys in the 1970s, and then to see the next generation of Tedescos be dominated by girls. "There's no explaining it," said David M. Heer, a professor at the Population Research Laboratory at the University of Southern California. "It must be God's way of payback."
Tedescos and a Howser compete in Turkey Bowl XVIILAWRENCE, Kansas – In a rare episode of physical exertion, the Tedesco family fought a grueling game of touch football between smoke breaks Thanksgiving Day.On a windswept Kansas plain, Turkey Bowl XVII played out before a crowd of bored relatives and a few curious squirrels. Spectators witnessed a gritty game of ferocity, kept in check only by a desire by the Tedesco men to expend as little energy as possible.
Mike's friend from Spokane, Nick Howser, joined the Tedesco clan in the pointless game. He was a quick study of the haphazard plays and confusing run patterns that mark every Tedesco Turkey Bowl, and he successfully dropped almost every pass. Star receiver Uncle John caught 26 passes, all thrown from as much as five yards away. Uncle John's technique of lowering his head to break tackles was never seen before at a touch football game. The Player of the Year was Paul Tedesco, who took one last drag from a cigarette, then ran a 99-yard kick off return for a touchdown on the first play of the game. Paramedics were unable to resuscitate him. Much like the way World War I dragged on for years with millions dead and no real winner, the game ended in a tie of 70-70. Halloween scare: Huge honeybee spotted in Colorado
Witnesses said the yellow-and-black bee had pudgy cheeks and communicated with an odd, human-like voice. “It actually looked cute as far as freak insects go, but I wasn’t hanging around to see if it was friendly,” said George Frederickson, a mechanic who survived the encounter.
“I wouldn’t say it was interested in honey,” Cartwright said. “It had two little arms and what looked like hands and fingers, and it clutched a bag of candy. Bizarre.” The bee ventured from house to house gathering lollipops and candy bars from frightened homeowners. Denver police received dozens of 911 calls reporting the oddity. Authorities said no one was harmed and the bee hasn’t been spotted since Halloween night. They said the bee was travelling with a scary black cat, Pocahontas, and the bride of Frankenstein. Around the Nation: Kristin gets job at mortgage company
Interest rates skyrocketSEATTLE – Kristin Tedesco's new job at a mortgage company sparked a frightening slide in interest rates today that alarmed federal officials."We have no idea what's going on," said Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan. "We noticed the housing market started collapsing when some mortgage brokers hired a crazy Tedesco kid. Then, bam! All hell breaks lose." Shaking his head, Greenspan added: "I'm stumped." Economists coined a new term for the phenomenon: the Tedesco effect, a chaotic descent into mayhem that defies reason, usually brought about by a Tedesco child. "Story of my life," Dad said.
Girls square off in 'World's Happiest Kid' contestTwo Tedesco girls who spend their days laughing uproariously agreed to a no-holds barred laugh contest today.Cousins Lili Ramirez Tedesco and Maddy Tedesco are scheduled to compete in events that Tedesco children have honed to perfection. The contests include giggling-for-no-good-reason, tickle-endurance matches, witty comebacks, and parent mocking. "Lili's got this fight in the bag," said trainer Paul Tedesco. "Lili smiles at everybody, even Aunt Kristin." Maddy's trainers disagreed. "Maddy's laughing her head off even as I speak," said Mike Tedesco. "And she's sleeping." Family members expect the girls to enjoy life until the grim reality of being a Tedesco sets in. Joe moves to Austin, then busts a move
In an attempt to live the life of a swinging single guy in a cool city, Joe Tedesco moved to Austin recently, and reported seeing a significant increase in honey babies compared to San Antonio. "Sha-wing!" Joe announced at a press conference at Sixth Street in downtown Austin. "Hummuna-hummuna-hummuna!" Joe said he liked Austin for its beautiful women, its abundance of drop-dead gorgeous knockouts, and its high ratio of sugar mamas. He said he plans to spend much of his time cruising for chicks with Cousin John, who is attending the University of Texas at Austin. Or has he calls it, "Chick city." "Shagadelic," Cousin John said. |
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the Tedesco Times? "Thanks for the great web site! Now I can see what the Tedesco family is up to!" "Finally, I've tracked down my scumbag boyfriend for child-support payments! Thanks, Tedesco Times!" "Do you have the phone number of the cute editor? I think John is dreamy!" "Thanks to the Tedesco Times, now we know where to direct our electronic monitoring efforts!" "You'll be hearing from my lawyers!" |
