WASHINGTON — Researchers at the U.S. National Archives and Records Administration announced today that unearthed archival footage of the Tedesco family conclusively proves how the ragtag gang of kids growing up in the 1970s were total dorkwads.“Historians have held heated debates about the true history of the Tedesco kids,” said chief archivist David S. Ferriero. “Were they nerds, geeks, or what? Turns out everyone underestimated what total dorks they were. I mean, sweet Jesus, what’s with the Beatles haircuts?”
Ferriero then added: “Looking good, Joe … not.”
Even taking into account the 1970s dork index, in which most things were dorky in hindsight, the dorkiness levels of the Tedesco kids exceeded all federal dork standards, Ferriero said.
“Dude, those home videos broke our dorkameter,” Ferriero said. “That thing cost us $20,000. It survived every episode of ‘Charles in Charge’ but couldn’t handle five minutes of grainy Tedesco home movies.
“That ought to tell you something about those poor, poor dorks.”