HOLLYWOOD — The Federal Communications Commission announced today that beloved actress and Tedesco cousin Annie Tedesco is on TV “pretty much all the time” and can now be seen on every television channel, commercial and show known to mankind.
“Guys, we’ve seriously never seen a cultural phenomenon like this before,” FCC spokesman Barton Williams told reporters at a press conference today.
“This is so epic. You can watch Annie Tedesco on, say, an episode of Modern Family or Granite Flats. And then during the commercial break, you can watch her star in a ton of ads, like that funny Ace Hardware commercial. According to our analysis, no one else in Hollywood is rocking the house like Annie Tedesco. No one.”
Williams said the FCC can’t officially take a position on Annie Tedesco’s ubiquitous presence on TV. “But unofficially, yeah, we’re all fanboys of Cousin Anna,” he said.
The agency has tried but failed to keep track of the seemingly infinite number of TV shows, movies and commercials Annie Tedesco has appeared in.
“Let’s see, she starred in a ton of Superbowl commercials, which is something no one in this room has ever done,” Williams said. “Um, she was the date in that funny Dr Pepper ad with the ‘Manamana’ song from the Muppets. That was hilarious. She was in the Mentalist and a bunch of other shows. Christ, maybe it’d be easier if I just list the shows Annie hasn’t starred in. Otherwise we’re going to be here all day.
“I mean, it’d be more economical if Annie just got her own TV channel,” Williams added. “For reals. She’s already on TV all the time. Wouldn’t that be so awesome?”
Williams then whistled and pantomimed a miniature explosion with his hands. “Mind. Blown,” he said.