SPOKANE — Authorities announced today that local thrift-store junkie Caitlin Tedesco “has hit rock bottom” and must enter rehab to treat her troubling addiction to bargain hunting.
“That lady seems nice and all, but we can’t have her lurking around the donation bin at the Bargain Barn anymore, asking strangers for dibs on anything from Banana Republic,” said Police Detective Hugh McDonald. “It’s just not right.”
In the most disturbing incident, authorities said Caitlin donated a pair of jeans to a local thrift store — but was caught buying the exact same pair a month later without realizing it. In what authorities described as a “cry for help,” Caitlin later wrote about what happened on Facebook.
“I am very good about donating the stuff I need to get rid of and I tend to support the same stores time and time again with purchases and donations,” the junkie wrote. “Today was a first for me — pretty sure I just bought a pair of jeans that I donated last month. Oh good grief!”
“Seriously, who does that?” said a visibly shaken McDonald. “I mean, Christ, I’ve seen some twisted things in my time. But how twisted do you have to be to buy the very thing you just donated to a thrift store? I can’t really think of anything more depraved than that.”
Authorities said they haven’t seen anything this bad since the Kristin Tedesco clothing massacre at Value Village in 2006.