DENVER — Paul Tedesco announced at a press conference today that his purchase of a “totally sweet” 2004 Mazda Miata includes the added benefit of getting him started on his midlife crisis before he turns 40 years old.
“I figured I better get the whole midlife crisis thing out of the way while I was still young,” Tedesco, 39, told reporters as he showed off his new rear-wheel drive convertible that boasts 50/50 weight distribution and “great throttle response.”
“I did the mini-van thing and it was great for awhile,” Paul mused as he stooped to wipe a smudge off the paint job of his shiny new car. “I’ll always have a special place in my heart for my Honda Odyssey.
“But man, nothing beats a Miata for agile handling on the road and announcing to the world that you’re a virile stud muffin who may or may not be getting a bald spot,” Paul added.
Paul then waved goodbye to reporters as he got in his car, donned a pair of aviator shades, and revved the 142-horsepower engine.
“Time to go cruising for hotties,” Paul said. “Right about now is a good time to hit the parking lot at Costco. Not only are the women stunning, they’re also sensible shoppers. Besides, I have a feeling I might need to buy Rogaine in bulk some day.”