DENVER — Company officials at Mazda USA announced today that their production lines can’t keep up with Tedesco guys who are addicted to the zippy Mazda3, the beautifully designed Miata, and even the family friendly Mazda5 minivan.
“Do these guys ever stop buying Mazdas?” asked the company’s perplexed CEO, Masahiro Moro, who oversees the North American division for the automaker that’s widely admired by every guy in the Tedesco family.
“I mean, on the one hand, we’re grateful they love our product, and our stock shares are up like crazy thanks to them,” Moro said. “On the other hand, I haven’t slept in 36 hours trying to figure out how to crank out the next MazdaSpeed3 for Grandpa Rick.
“Holy Christ, make them stop,” Moro added. “Please, Lord, make them stop.”
Moro said he’s not sure when the unhealthy love affair for Mazda began for Tedesco guys. Perhaps it started with the reliable Mazda Protege Grandpa Rick bought in the late 1990s. Or the midnight black, manual-transmission Mazda3 John bought in 2006 immediately after a test drive in which he reportedly felt “one with the road” for the first time in his life.
“All I can tell you is, we’re at the breaking point,” Moro said. “I hereby ask all Tedesco women to talk some sense into Tedesco guys. This is ridiculous.”