Police BlotterSpace limitations do not permit a full accounting of the laws broken by the Tedesco family. Here are a few highlights:
June 6, 1973: A 29-year crime spree begins with the birth of John Tedesco.
August 17, 1982: Mom is charged with three counts of neglect when she allows her sons to ride bikes around the neighborhood dressed like Ponch and John on "CHiPS."
February 25, 1983: Federal authorities trace the earliest roots of driveby shootings to a Big Wheel incident involving Mike.
Oct. 2, 1985: Kristin Tedesco, AKA "The Mafia Princess," orders her first mob hit.
March 3, 1986: Mom violates United Nations resolution 482, which bans mothers from giving their children 1970s-style Beatles haircuts.
May 20, 1987: Dad teaches his family the Parker Brothers game Risk, instilling in each child a sick desire for world conquest.
Sept. 3, 1990: After his first two weeks as a freshman at Gonzaga Prep, Paul can now cuss in both English and Latin.
June 11, 1991: The Tedesco children break all laws of decency when they become fans of Vanilla Ice.
August 9, 1992: A brutal dictatorship finally ends when John leaves for college.
January 2, 1996: Arrest warrants are issued for Joe, Paul, Mike and Kristin on charges of conspiracy to commit organized crime, racketeering, and chronic bed wetting.
Feb. 4, 1997: Fashion police ticket Joe for wearing a mullet in public.
Dec. 25, 2002: Police are called to a chaotic mess of toys and puzzle pieces strewn about the home of Mike and Caitlin Tedesco. The prime suspect, Maddy Tedesco, 3, is in hiding.