Massive bonfire

Fire codes violated during marshmallow melt

DENVER — A casual family ritual of toasting s’mores in Paul Tedesco’s backyard escalated into an apocalyptic inferno that instantly incinerated scores of marshmallows and violated numerous city fire codes, authorities announced at a press conference today. “I’ve been fighting fires for more than 20 years,” said Battalion Fire Chief Mike Wilkerson of the Denver…

Cole Lighter

Cole torn between Buzz Lightyear, Lightning McQueen

ANAHEIM, Calif. — In a heartbreaking scene at Disneyland today, Cole Ramirez Tedesco was torn between his two best friends forever — astronaut Buzz Lightyear and racing car Lightning McQueen. “Buzz and Lightning begged Cole to be his BFF,” Cole’s mother, Georgia, told reporters at a press conference today. “Cole wishes to inform the public…

Candyland game goes horribly wrong

Candyland game goes horribly wrong

DENVER — United Nations officials have called for an end to all hostilities at the home of Paul and Georgia Tedesco, where an innocent game of Candyland turned into a Machiavellian display of political gamesmanship by three cute Tedesco munchkins. “Yikes,” father Paul Tedesco said as he tried to referee the cuthroat game. “I’m related…