Massive bonfire

Fire codes violated during marshmallow melt

DENVER — A casual family ritual of toasting s’mores in Paul Tedesco’s backyard escalated into an apocalyptic inferno that instantly incinerated scores of marshmallows and violated numerous city fire codes, authorities announced at a press conference today. “I’ve been fighting fires for more than 20 years,” said Battalion Fire Chief Mike Wilkerson of the Denver…

Lili at school

Lili’s mom barely survives first week of kindergarten

DENVER — Lili Ramirez Tedesco, 5, easily breezed through her first week of kindergarten while her mother, Georgia, suffered a nervous breakdown, according to an e-mail obtained today exclusively by the Tedesco Times. Writing about her daughter’s first day of school, Georgia wrote: “She had not a single bit of anxiety, there was no hesitation,…

Candyland game goes horribly wrong

Candyland game goes horribly wrong

DENVER — United Nations officials have called for an end to all hostilities at the home of Paul and Georgia Tedesco, where an innocent game of Candyland turned into a Machiavellian display of political gamesmanship by three cute Tedesco munchkins. “Yikes,” father Paul Tedesco said as he tried to referee the cuthroat game. “I’m related…